Goodness, how did it get to be the END of January, now? Argh...I have so many thoughts about the whole process of trying to get pregnant going through my head, and then life interferes and I can barely finish what I need to finish, let alone type out my thoughts. Hang on, though - must flip the laundry...
Okay, I'm back. Anyway, nothing much is happening on the trying-to-get-pregnant front, because we decided to skip this cycle. I'm okay with that - if I had gotten pregnant, then the timing would have conflicted with N's brother's wedding. The wedding is much-anticipated (second wedding for him, after a disastrous first wedding) and I just know that if I hadn't been able to attend, then his parents would have made me feel guilty for it. Even though it would have been, you know, a medical reason. They are all about the drama. All about it. *sigh* So, anyway, we are going to pick up again next cycle. Fortunately, this cycle should end sometime this weekend - temp hasn't dropped yet but should - and then we are on our way.
It's interesting to ponder the whole IUI thing in the abstract, but I am still rather apprehensive about how it will actually occur in reality. It'll be interesting to see how I feel about it after the first one. I mean, we've been having timed/targeted inter.course for what feels like forever now, and each time that could have resulted in pregnancy, but each time, of course, it hasn't. So I am having a hard time getting my hopes up, to be honest. I just have this feeling that we'll blow through our three IUI's and only have enough money left for one IVF, and poof...there goes our chance at a family. We can't afford to adopt and, well, I guess that would be it. Who, me, overthink? Never...But it is something that's on my mind. I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens. And if I do get pregnant, my goodness, do we have some cleaning up to do in that middle bedroom...
N was asked - in a hey, this is maybe-possibly going to happen, do you think you could...? kind of way - to go to TX in Feb for this conference thing. However, on his own, he realized that it would conflict with the first IUI (likely, given my ovulation history) and poof! he blamed me, said we were going out of town, sorry, it's been planned, etc. etc. etc. Wow! It makes me happy that he is so aware and is, for lack of a better term, on board with all we've been through and decided in the last few months.
Classes started - I have to take a couple this semester, even though I am technically a post doc. Of course, overall I am just a huge, huge nerd, so I am happy to be back in classes...particularly since I don't have to take them for a grade. Yay, learning for learning's sake! (told you I was a nerd...) Anyway, it is good to be on-campus for a few hours a day, most days a week. I feel productive and engaged and....well, to be honest? I feel happier than I have felt in a long, long time. Maybe that's why I'm so ambivalent about the whole baby thing right now? Although I am angry about the octuplets...so angry that I don't even want to go there.
Anyway, it's good to be on campus. I am reconnecting with friends, with people I know on faculty, and making it known that we want to stay here when this post doc is done. I hope I will have a good shot at a faculty position when all is said and done...of course, I need to be productive in the post doc, first!
N is away until tomorrow at another conference, lucky him. Hm. I expected to hear from him before this - I guess things ran late this afternoon. Anyway, it's quiet here, but that's not all bad. I slept like the dead last night, and only woke up when my alarm went off. I love him, but sometimes? A bed to myself is just what I need...
Friday, January 30, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Mid-January, already??
How is that possible? And how is it possible that I haven't written in two weeks? Sheesh....
My brother came through his surgery just fine. I think he goes back to work on Tuesday - he is in the banking industry so they have Monday off. Anyway, he was less whiny than we all thought he was going to be - just goes to show what we know - and my mom was really good about updating me on his status. So that makes me feel good - I just hope that he doesn't get sick nearly as often now that he has had the surgery.
I had my one-month post-op appointment this past Monday. It was fine, although still a little...unsatisfying. I mean, she answered all of my questions, and we have a plan, but I think I'm starting to get to the "why me" part of the whole infertility thing. It's just...frustrating. N was able to come with me because he took an unpaid day off of work (they're trying to save $$$ and not lay people off...he is all for that, so has scheduled a few unpaid days off). I was glad he was able to come - but bummed because it was kind of an atypical visit. We had to wait nearly 45 minutes for the doc to come in the room. I wonder if the residents are still off for the holidays? Because it was a staff doc, and that doesn't usually happen. Anyway, it was a woman I'd not met before, but she had done a good job of reading up on what had happened previously. She reiterated that everything looked good on the lap - that my tubes looked "beautiful" - and that there was no sign of the hydrosalpinx that was the cause of all this worry. So, so weird. I meant to ask - but didn't - what could cause the HSG to look like I have a hydrosalpinx when there isn't one there. It was reassuring to hear that structurally things are fine. She suggested that we start right in with unmedicated IUI's. I asked about that - apparently, since we know that I am ovulating, there isn't much benefit to adding the meds, and they raise the risk of multiples (soooo not interested in having multiples). So we're going to proceed with the IUI's. The first one should be this weekend - I haven't yet had my positive opk, but it should be today or tomorrow.
N is doing very well with this, it seems, but then he'll say stuff in emails that makes me think that he is feeling guilty that it seems to be a male factor problem. I wish I could help him see that it's not his fault that this is happening. I've tried reassuring him, but I'm not sure he is hearing me.
And then, of course, there are added complications....His parents are being weird again - I will have to write about their reaction too our wedding and wedding photographer sometime - and the drama just drives me crazy. On the plus side, his brother - almost 40, divorced for a few years - met a very nice woman (by all accounts...I haven't met her) and they are going to get married in September. Fantastic, right? In northern CA, near Napa, and they're paying for us to stay at this fabulous resort that we would never ever be able to afford ever. Did I mention ever? The problem? If I get pregnant on this cycle - and I'm not holding my breath, but it could happen - then I will be 36 weeks pregnant at the time of their wedding. Right on the edge of being able to travel. And this is what has been frustrating me for the past few days. If we weren't having trouble getting pregnant, then this wouldn't be a deal at all. In the first place, we'd likely already have a kid. In the second place, if we managed to get pregnant spontaneously and the timing just happened to be crappy, oh well! nothing you can do about it! But when you're infertile and relying on modern medicine to help you out...there is always the question of whether to proceed with it this cycle because if it works, and if I get pregnant, and if I am unable to travel to the wedding, then, well, I wouldn't put it past his family to blame me for that.
The money part of the infertility stuff is also bothering me. It drives me nuts that the decisions we're making about building our family - one baby? Two? - are driven, in part, by whether we're going to have money to get me pregnant. My insurance has a $25000 cap on infertility treatments, lifetime. So, we've already lost about $5000 because of the consultations and the surgery. Down to $20000. And now we're going to do some IUI's. That'll drop us by another $1000 or so. And then if we have to go to IVF, we'll probably only have enough money left for one try. That just doesn't seem right. And if we get to IVF, and the first one fails? That's it. That's all we can do as far as building a family. It just doesn't seem fair, quite honestly. All of my friends and family members who are getting pregnant at the drop of a hat...they never have to think about this stuff. And I hate sounding like "why me?" but it's irritating and frustrating and it hurts. It really really bothers me that we could end up without children simply because we don't have the money to go through the treatments that could get us pregnant.
I know I'm borrowing trouble, that we haven't even tried IUI's yet, that they might work, etc. etc. etc. But still...I know that IUI's don't always work. I know that there are probably additional factors that they haven't teased out yet that are likely keeping me from getting pregnant. And I know that having to escalate our interventions is very, very likely. But the fact that money could stop us from having a family? That just makes me sick to my stomach.
And adoption...well, we couldn't afford adoption even if we wanted to go down that road. And I'm not sure we do. We haven't really talked about it other than as a last resort...but knowing how expensive it is, I'm not sure it's going to be possible, either.
And, one last note. This is a really whiny post, so I'll try to make the next one less whiny. Anyway, I have a feeling that my college roommate is pregnant again and not calling me because she doesn't want to upset me. Seriously. I haven't talked to her for over a month...and the last time we talked she made some comment about us "having kids about the same age" since they were starting to try again. What do you want to bet?? *sigh*
Okay, off to bake some cookies to get me out of this funk. And maybe eat lunch. Oh! the met*formin seems to be working at least a little bit - my sugars are overall lower than they were without medication. So that is good. I suspect they may bump up my dose - maybe include a lunchtime dose? - when I check in with them at the end of the month.
My brother came through his surgery just fine. I think he goes back to work on Tuesday - he is in the banking industry so they have Monday off. Anyway, he was less whiny than we all thought he was going to be - just goes to show what we know - and my mom was really good about updating me on his status. So that makes me feel good - I just hope that he doesn't get sick nearly as often now that he has had the surgery.
I had my one-month post-op appointment this past Monday. It was fine, although still a little...unsatisfying. I mean, she answered all of my questions, and we have a plan, but I think I'm starting to get to the "why me" part of the whole infertility thing. It's just...frustrating. N was able to come with me because he took an unpaid day off of work (they're trying to save $$$ and not lay people off...he is all for that, so has scheduled a few unpaid days off). I was glad he was able to come - but bummed because it was kind of an atypical visit. We had to wait nearly 45 minutes for the doc to come in the room. I wonder if the residents are still off for the holidays? Because it was a staff doc, and that doesn't usually happen. Anyway, it was a woman I'd not met before, but she had done a good job of reading up on what had happened previously. She reiterated that everything looked good on the lap - that my tubes looked "beautiful" - and that there was no sign of the hydrosalpinx that was the cause of all this worry. So, so weird. I meant to ask - but didn't - what could cause the HSG to look like I have a hydrosalpinx when there isn't one there. It was reassuring to hear that structurally things are fine. She suggested that we start right in with unmedicated IUI's. I asked about that - apparently, since we know that I am ovulating, there isn't much benefit to adding the meds, and they raise the risk of multiples (soooo not interested in having multiples). So we're going to proceed with the IUI's. The first one should be this weekend - I haven't yet had my positive opk, but it should be today or tomorrow.
N is doing very well with this, it seems, but then he'll say stuff in emails that makes me think that he is feeling guilty that it seems to be a male factor problem. I wish I could help him see that it's not his fault that this is happening. I've tried reassuring him, but I'm not sure he is hearing me.
And then, of course, there are added complications....His parents are being weird again - I will have to write about their reaction too our wedding and wedding photographer sometime - and the drama just drives me crazy. On the plus side, his brother - almost 40, divorced for a few years - met a very nice woman (by all accounts...I haven't met her) and they are going to get married in September. Fantastic, right? In northern CA, near Napa, and they're paying for us to stay at this fabulous resort that we would never ever be able to afford ever. Did I mention ever? The problem? If I get pregnant on this cycle - and I'm not holding my breath, but it could happen - then I will be 36 weeks pregnant at the time of their wedding. Right on the edge of being able to travel. And this is what has been frustrating me for the past few days. If we weren't having trouble getting pregnant, then this wouldn't be a deal at all. In the first place, we'd likely already have a kid. In the second place, if we managed to get pregnant spontaneously and the timing just happened to be crappy, oh well! nothing you can do about it! But when you're infertile and relying on modern medicine to help you out...there is always the question of whether to proceed with it this cycle because if it works, and if I get pregnant, and if I am unable to travel to the wedding, then, well, I wouldn't put it past his family to blame me for that.
The money part of the infertility stuff is also bothering me. It drives me nuts that the decisions we're making about building our family - one baby? Two? - are driven, in part, by whether we're going to have money to get me pregnant. My insurance has a $25000 cap on infertility treatments, lifetime. So, we've already lost about $5000 because of the consultations and the surgery. Down to $20000. And now we're going to do some IUI's. That'll drop us by another $1000 or so. And then if we have to go to IVF, we'll probably only have enough money left for one try. That just doesn't seem right. And if we get to IVF, and the first one fails? That's it. That's all we can do as far as building a family. It just doesn't seem fair, quite honestly. All of my friends and family members who are getting pregnant at the drop of a hat...they never have to think about this stuff. And I hate sounding like "why me?" but it's irritating and frustrating and it hurts. It really really bothers me that we could end up without children simply because we don't have the money to go through the treatments that could get us pregnant.
I know I'm borrowing trouble, that we haven't even tried IUI's yet, that they might work, etc. etc. etc. But still...I know that IUI's don't always work. I know that there are probably additional factors that they haven't teased out yet that are likely keeping me from getting pregnant. And I know that having to escalate our interventions is very, very likely. But the fact that money could stop us from having a family? That just makes me sick to my stomach.
And adoption...well, we couldn't afford adoption even if we wanted to go down that road. And I'm not sure we do. We haven't really talked about it other than as a last resort...but knowing how expensive it is, I'm not sure it's going to be possible, either.
And, one last note. This is a really whiny post, so I'll try to make the next one less whiny. Anyway, I have a feeling that my college roommate is pregnant again and not calling me because she doesn't want to upset me. Seriously. I haven't talked to her for over a month...and the last time we talked she made some comment about us "having kids about the same age" since they were starting to try again. What do you want to bet?? *sigh*
Okay, off to bake some cookies to get me out of this funk. And maybe eat lunch. Oh! the met*formin seems to be working at least a little bit - my sugars are overall lower than they were without medication. So that is good. I suspect they may bump up my dose - maybe include a lunchtime dose? - when I check in with them at the end of the month.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Resolving
Well, it's a good thing that I didn't resolve to procrastinate less in 2009...Have been sitting at my computer for about 2 hours now, and haven't progressed much beyond dinking on blogs and news websites. And the occasional Facebook status update because, you know, it's changed so much in the last 2 hours. :P
My brother has to have his tonsils out on Tuesday - at age 34 - and I am ridiculously nervous about the whole thing. I know people - adults, even - have this surgery every day, but I worry that he will be the one to have complications, and problems. Part of it is that I won't be able to be there and see him in person. I'll have to rely on my mother and sister in law for updates. My mom is pretty reliable about that sort of thing - she knows when he is just being whiny and when he's really hurting - but my sister in law is...not. We're all hoping that he's sick less often, though - he gets every sore throat that comes down the pike, it seems.
We had a nice new year - spent the first part of Weds evening at a friend's house (or should it be "at friends' house"...no, that's not right...well, whatever). They're hilariously fun people and it's always good to see them. They had bbq and veggies and chips and salsa and dip. Mmm...all good things. They also have a hilariously funny dog who is constantly into everything. She's at the opposite end of the spectrum from our dog, who is happiest when curled up under his blankie, napping. Yesterday we spent most of the day relaxing and just hanging out. We took Mr. Dog on a walk around the block - windy but not too cold, which made for nice walking - and ate snacky food. Mmmm...
Tuesday I had my follow up with the endocrinologist. He put me on Met*formin 500 mg twice a day - to see if that will reset my "set point" for my blood sugars. They're bizarrely constant, no matter what time I take them. Almost always in the high 120's/low 130's. So we'll see...I can't find any information on whether I should be seeing a difference by now (3 days in) or whether I need to give it a couple more days for full effect.
Also, just to whine a bit more, I think I need to go see a PT for my left glute. It's hurt since the marathon and that was in May. It was feeling better but now, not so much. I'm usually aware of it - even if I'm just sitting on it - and it hurts when I go up and down stairs, walk through the house, etc. Oddly, I don't notice it when I am actually running. Hm. That's strange - I hadn't realized that before. Of course, I don't know whether I need a referral or if I can just go to the big clinic in town...I guess I should just suck it up and call them. Nothing like using the good health insurance I've been provided with for this post doc.
Okay, time to do something more productive.
My brother has to have his tonsils out on Tuesday - at age 34 - and I am ridiculously nervous about the whole thing. I know people - adults, even - have this surgery every day, but I worry that he will be the one to have complications, and problems. Part of it is that I won't be able to be there and see him in person. I'll have to rely on my mother and sister in law for updates. My mom is pretty reliable about that sort of thing - she knows when he is just being whiny and when he's really hurting - but my sister in law is...not. We're all hoping that he's sick less often, though - he gets every sore throat that comes down the pike, it seems.
We had a nice new year - spent the first part of Weds evening at a friend's house (or should it be "at friends' house"...no, that's not right...well, whatever). They're hilariously fun people and it's always good to see them. They had bbq and veggies and chips and salsa and dip. Mmm...all good things. They also have a hilariously funny dog who is constantly into everything. She's at the opposite end of the spectrum from our dog, who is happiest when curled up under his blankie, napping. Yesterday we spent most of the day relaxing and just hanging out. We took Mr. Dog on a walk around the block - windy but not too cold, which made for nice walking - and ate snacky food. Mmmm...
Tuesday I had my follow up with the endocrinologist. He put me on Met*formin 500 mg twice a day - to see if that will reset my "set point" for my blood sugars. They're bizarrely constant, no matter what time I take them. Almost always in the high 120's/low 130's. So we'll see...I can't find any information on whether I should be seeing a difference by now (3 days in) or whether I need to give it a couple more days for full effect.
Also, just to whine a bit more, I think I need to go see a PT for my left glute. It's hurt since the marathon and that was in May. It was feeling better but now, not so much. I'm usually aware of it - even if I'm just sitting on it - and it hurts when I go up and down stairs, walk through the house, etc. Oddly, I don't notice it when I am actually running. Hm. That's strange - I hadn't realized that before. Of course, I don't know whether I need a referral or if I can just go to the big clinic in town...I guess I should just suck it up and call them. Nothing like using the good health insurance I've been provided with for this post doc.
Okay, time to do something more productive.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Aftermath
What a nice Christmas we had this year...broken up nicely by my parents' visit and then a quick trip to N's parents' house a few hours north of here. We were home Friday afternoon so N could play in a wedding on Saturday (rehearsal was Friday pm), which meant that we had a lovely, no-stress, calm weekend at home with the dog. It was so nice just to spend time together over a long weekend.
Of course, today it's back to work. I'm trying to finish up some projects related to my dissertation. Finding it hard going sometimes...working on book chapter revisions but getting bogged down in editing what others have written. Need to submit abstracts for two meetings that are due in early January. And then there's the rest of our lives...endo follow up for me tomorrow...whole-house humidifier getting installed Weds...infertility follow up 1/12...
My incisions aren't healing as well as I would like. I guess it's time to bust out the antibiotic ointment, to see if that helps at all. I've also gotten frustrated trying to figure out why what we are doing isn't working. I was actually kind of happy with the hydrosalpinx diagnosis, because that helped explain why I wasn't getting pregnant. But without that, we're back to a questionable semen analysis and (I suppose) unexplained infertility.
That's something I think I will ask more about at the next appointment. I want more information on the semen analysis - it was kind of an afterthought at the initial appointment. And I want to know what they saw when they did my surgery. I have had weird cramps after sex the last few days (woo hoo, the 2 week ban was lifted!) and not sure what those are all about. I guess I just feel like hey, did they miss something? Becuase some mildly questionable sperm don't seem like they would be causing this much trouble. And if we go with IUI's...well...should we do the medicated ones? Unmedicated? Argh...
Of course, today it's back to work. I'm trying to finish up some projects related to my dissertation. Finding it hard going sometimes...working on book chapter revisions but getting bogged down in editing what others have written. Need to submit abstracts for two meetings that are due in early January. And then there's the rest of our lives...endo follow up for me tomorrow...whole-house humidifier getting installed Weds...infertility follow up 1/12...
My incisions aren't healing as well as I would like. I guess it's time to bust out the antibiotic ointment, to see if that helps at all. I've also gotten frustrated trying to figure out why what we are doing isn't working. I was actually kind of happy with the hydrosalpinx diagnosis, because that helped explain why I wasn't getting pregnant. But without that, we're back to a questionable semen analysis and (I suppose) unexplained infertility.
That's something I think I will ask more about at the next appointment. I want more information on the semen analysis - it was kind of an afterthought at the initial appointment. And I want to know what they saw when they did my surgery. I have had weird cramps after sex the last few days (woo hoo, the 2 week ban was lifted!) and not sure what those are all about. I guess I just feel like hey, did they miss something? Becuase some mildly questionable sperm don't seem like they would be causing this much trouble. And if we go with IUI's...well...should we do the medicated ones? Unmedicated? Argh...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Coming 'round the mountain...
My parents just left after what I think was a very nice four-day visit. They came in for my graduation - for my PhD that I defended successfully in September. It was so nice to have them here! They are fairly...anxious...travelers, so the fact that we are having lovely winter weather here in flyover country was enough to send them into a tizzy. But they knew they would see us, and meet their grand-dog, and also meet our friends. So I am pretty sure they were excited to be here.
And we had a lovely visit. They arrived on Thursday afternoon, pretty much on-time, considering the weather and the fact that they had to fly through the dreaded ORD. I picked them up (N was working) and we headed to Target to pick up a few things for the party on Friday...paper plates/napkins and plasticware. We also picked up a timer for my mom's friend and a g.c. for N for iTunes...he loooves his iTunes. It was weird being with my father in Target - I'm usually in those places with my mom only - but they were very helpful.
We had a lovely dinner Thursday night and then they spent some time looking around the house - my dad videotaped a 'tour' of it to show back home - and playing with the dog. We never had a dog growing up - and I wasn't sure whether they would enjoy meeting their grand-dog. But they did, and my mother even kissed him (on the head, you know, where you kiss dogs) before they left. So, whew. It helps that the dog is well-behaved and awfully cute.
Friday, the weather was awful awful awful. We had ice Thursday night, mixed with rain and snow. Bleah. Bleah. Bleah. So N went out to snowblow and hack at the ice, and put down some ice melt. It was a mess. And because I was still post op, I couldn't help. Ergh. So my parents - who are 60 and 64 - went out to help. Talk about feeling useless. Completely useless. They got the driveway pretty well cleaned up, then we took N to work and went to run a few errands around town. N called while we were picking up the cake - his parents weren't going to make it, they'd had a foot (a FOOT) of snow. Bummer bummer bummer. So, back we went to the grocery store to get a few more things to stand in for what his mother was going to bring. Bummer. My parents finished clearing the driveway and I went to get N mid-afternoon. Fortunately his work has this thing where if you are salaried and show up for at least part of the day, you don't have to use leave if you leave early/come in late. Since he gets less vacation time than anyone I know, this is a good thing.
Friday night was our open house/hey my parents are in town/oh, look! Annabelle's graduating party. It was lovely. A few people couldn't make it because of the weather, and one person never showed up, never called, and never emailed. But everyone else seemed to have a good time. It was fun to have my parents meet friends of ours that they had never met before, and it was really fun to have people over at our house. A couple of friends stayed pretty late, chatting with us and my parents.
And then Saturday was graduation! N wasn't feeling so hot - he'd had a cold for a few days - but he powered through and was feeling better when we finally got to the ceremony. There was a reception beforehand, that the Grad College hosted. It was very nice - my adviser was there and had her ear talked off by my mother. I am so, so glad that I went through the graduation. There is something about having that hood placed over your head that just brings it all home. My adviser did the hooding - they said all of my names right - and it was just one of those moments where everything seems right.
We came home to save the dog from the torture of the crate and get ready for dinner. It snowed most of the day and was bitter, bitter cold, so going out to dinner didn't seem like such a fab idea. Of course we went -reservations and Italian food, hello - but holy God was it cold walking from the parking ramp to the restaurant. We had yummy Italian food, a little too much wine (well, mom and I did - N and my dad were fine) - and then came home to have champagne and leftover cake. Mmmm....
And then Sunday they left. Oh, what an ordeal. 40 mph winds, ground blizzards, delayed flights, nearly missed connections, etc. etc. etc. And of course their bags didn't make it. But they did! I'll have to hear about how we are two plane flights away for the rest of my natural life, but that seems a small price to pay for having them here for a few days.
Life has calmed down a bit now. We are back from N's parents' house, where we spent Christmas Eve and Day. It was very very quiet without our niece and nephew around to raise the noise level to earsplitting...I took several naps...and the Dog got spoiled rotten by his paternal grandparents.
I couldn't help but think how nice it would have been to have a baby this Christmas. New house, new dog...new baby would have rounded it out nicely. And I kept thinking how last Christmas, I was hoping to be able to tell our parents that we were expecting a baby. No dice. And not this Christmas either. And now that they know I had surgery, they also know that we have a follow up appointment in January. And I really don't want to have them asking me about what we're doing, or when I might get pregnant, or really any of the details of this whole ordeal. I just wish that I could surprise them when I do get pregnant. Maybe they'll forget about the follow up appointment...maybe I just won't say anything and they won't bother to ask...but what I really DON'T want is to be sharing details of our IUI's with our parents. Call me petty and small and controlling, but...I just don't want to. So we'll see how that shapes up.
Follow up with the endocrinologist next week. I'm interested to see what he wants to do. I've been munching (in a restrained way, of course) on cookies and crackers and cheese and mmm....Christmas snacks...but my sugars haven't really budged. So, we'll see.
Boy, what a rambling, pointless post.
And we had a lovely visit. They arrived on Thursday afternoon, pretty much on-time, considering the weather and the fact that they had to fly through the dreaded ORD. I picked them up (N was working) and we headed to Target to pick up a few things for the party on Friday...paper plates/napkins and plasticware. We also picked up a timer for my mom's friend and a g.c. for N for iTunes...he loooves his iTunes. It was weird being with my father in Target - I'm usually in those places with my mom only - but they were very helpful.
We had a lovely dinner Thursday night and then they spent some time looking around the house - my dad videotaped a 'tour' of it to show back home - and playing with the dog. We never had a dog growing up - and I wasn't sure whether they would enjoy meeting their grand-dog. But they did, and my mother even kissed him (on the head, you know, where you kiss dogs) before they left. So, whew. It helps that the dog is well-behaved and awfully cute.
Friday, the weather was awful awful awful. We had ice Thursday night, mixed with rain and snow. Bleah. Bleah. Bleah. So N went out to snowblow and hack at the ice, and put down some ice melt. It was a mess. And because I was still post op, I couldn't help. Ergh. So my parents - who are 60 and 64 - went out to help. Talk about feeling useless. Completely useless. They got the driveway pretty well cleaned up, then we took N to work and went to run a few errands around town. N called while we were picking up the cake - his parents weren't going to make it, they'd had a foot (a FOOT) of snow. Bummer bummer bummer. So, back we went to the grocery store to get a few more things to stand in for what his mother was going to bring. Bummer. My parents finished clearing the driveway and I went to get N mid-afternoon. Fortunately his work has this thing where if you are salaried and show up for at least part of the day, you don't have to use leave if you leave early/come in late. Since he gets less vacation time than anyone I know, this is a good thing.
Friday night was our open house/hey my parents are in town/oh, look! Annabelle's graduating party. It was lovely. A few people couldn't make it because of the weather, and one person never showed up, never called, and never emailed. But everyone else seemed to have a good time. It was fun to have my parents meet friends of ours that they had never met before, and it was really fun to have people over at our house. A couple of friends stayed pretty late, chatting with us and my parents.
And then Saturday was graduation! N wasn't feeling so hot - he'd had a cold for a few days - but he powered through and was feeling better when we finally got to the ceremony. There was a reception beforehand, that the Grad College hosted. It was very nice - my adviser was there and had her ear talked off by my mother. I am so, so glad that I went through the graduation. There is something about having that hood placed over your head that just brings it all home. My adviser did the hooding - they said all of my names right - and it was just one of those moments where everything seems right.
We came home to save the dog from the torture of the crate and get ready for dinner. It snowed most of the day and was bitter, bitter cold, so going out to dinner didn't seem like such a fab idea. Of course we went -reservations and Italian food, hello - but holy God was it cold walking from the parking ramp to the restaurant. We had yummy Italian food, a little too much wine (well, mom and I did - N and my dad were fine) - and then came home to have champagne and leftover cake. Mmmm....
And then Sunday they left. Oh, what an ordeal. 40 mph winds, ground blizzards, delayed flights, nearly missed connections, etc. etc. etc. And of course their bags didn't make it. But they did! I'll have to hear about how we are two plane flights away for the rest of my natural life, but that seems a small price to pay for having them here for a few days.
Life has calmed down a bit now. We are back from N's parents' house, where we spent Christmas Eve and Day. It was very very quiet without our niece and nephew around to raise the noise level to earsplitting...I took several naps...and the Dog got spoiled rotten by his paternal grandparents.
I couldn't help but think how nice it would have been to have a baby this Christmas. New house, new dog...new baby would have rounded it out nicely. And I kept thinking how last Christmas, I was hoping to be able to tell our parents that we were expecting a baby. No dice. And not this Christmas either. And now that they know I had surgery, they also know that we have a follow up appointment in January. And I really don't want to have them asking me about what we're doing, or when I might get pregnant, or really any of the details of this whole ordeal. I just wish that I could surprise them when I do get pregnant. Maybe they'll forget about the follow up appointment...maybe I just won't say anything and they won't bother to ask...but what I really DON'T want is to be sharing details of our IUI's with our parents. Call me petty and small and controlling, but...I just don't want to. So we'll see how that shapes up.
Follow up with the endocrinologist next week. I'm interested to see what he wants to do. I've been munching (in a restrained way, of course) on cookies and crackers and cheese and mmm....Christmas snacks...but my sugars haven't really budged. So, we'll see.
Boy, what a rambling, pointless post.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Bleah
I just want to say that I really, really hate feeling bleah. And I know this surgery was not a major event - really, it wasn't. But I intensely dislike the feeling of...not feeling 100%. Twinges in my tummy, dizziness, general fatigue...I have a feeling I would be a not-very-good sick person.
I also think I overdid it on Saturday when I was being more indulgent with the pain medication. Now that I'm not taking as much, I'm definitely feeling it more. But we have visitors coming this weekend, and a party on Friday night to get ready for, and I don't want to overload my husband, and... Yeah. I'll probably still have to lie down for a bit this afternoon. *sigh* Here's hoping I feel better soon. Even though I know this could be a whole lot worse.
I also think I overdid it on Saturday when I was being more indulgent with the pain medication. Now that I'm not taking as much, I'm definitely feeling it more. But we have visitors coming this weekend, and a party on Friday night to get ready for, and I don't want to overload my husband, and... Yeah. I'll probably still have to lie down for a bit this afternoon. *sigh* Here's hoping I feel better soon. Even though I know this could be a whole lot worse.
Anticlimactic
So, had my surgery on Friday, and after all that, they found....nothing. Yep, nothing. Didn't have to remove a tube (or both tubes), didn't have to clean anything out. Because there was nothing there. And I was right at the start of my cycle, so they would have seen something if it had been there. Weird, very weird. They flushed out my tubes - told me they're a bit dilated but at the upper end of normal - and said that we can go ahead with IUI's instead of IVF.
I have to say, while I'm happy to have all of my parts, I'm still a bit baffled. If everything looks okay, is it really just the male factor stuff that's keeping us from getting pregnant? Are the IUI's going to work? We have a follow up appointment on 1/12, so we'll get to find out then. I am hoping they do medicated IUI's to up our chances of conceiving. They weren't going to before, but I would really prefer that. So we'll see what they say when we meet with them. Of course, 1 month = probably day 3 or so of my cycle. So I suspect that we'll have to do an unmedicated cycle for our first IUI and then add Clomid if they think that would be helpful.
I'm still having some pain and not feeling quite like myself - not sure exactly what it is. I have these weird periods where I feel completely awful - happened yesterday am and today, too. I wonder if it's the pain medicine? Percocet will do that to you, I suspect...So I'm going to try to take only the ibuprofen, and maybe the percocet for one more night.
More later, especially the details of Friday, but for now, a few more things that make me go hm...
I have to say, while I'm happy to have all of my parts, I'm still a bit baffled. If everything looks okay, is it really just the male factor stuff that's keeping us from getting pregnant? Are the IUI's going to work? We have a follow up appointment on 1/12, so we'll get to find out then. I am hoping they do medicated IUI's to up our chances of conceiving. They weren't going to before, but I would really prefer that. So we'll see what they say when we meet with them. Of course, 1 month = probably day 3 or so of my cycle. So I suspect that we'll have to do an unmedicated cycle for our first IUI and then add Clomid if they think that would be helpful.
I'm still having some pain and not feeling quite like myself - not sure exactly what it is. I have these weird periods where I feel completely awful - happened yesterday am and today, too. I wonder if it's the pain medicine? Percocet will do that to you, I suspect...So I'm going to try to take only the ibuprofen, and maybe the percocet for one more night.
More later, especially the details of Friday, but for now, a few more things that make me go hm...
- The v8 "weekly pack", which has 6 small cans of v8. Um. 6? That would be an almost-weekly pack, since there are, you know, 7 days in a week. At least, there were the last time I checked.
- Ads for special shows (home shows, furniture shows) that don't give the location of said show. N noticed this on Saturday, too - it was the local home show, advertising in the paper. No location. I think there was a date, though. Um, thanks for that.
- People who are published on widely read websites with egregious spelling and grammar errors. I know that blogs are generally "looser" than standard articles, but some copyediting would be okay. Right?
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