Well, it's a good thing that I didn't resolve to procrastinate less in 2009...Have been sitting at my computer for about 2 hours now, and haven't progressed much beyond dinking on blogs and news websites. And the occasional Facebook status update because, you know, it's changed so much in the last 2 hours. :P
My brother has to have his tonsils out on Tuesday - at age 34 - and I am ridiculously nervous about the whole thing. I know people - adults, even - have this surgery every day, but I worry that he will be the one to have complications, and problems. Part of it is that I won't be able to be there and see him in person. I'll have to rely on my mother and sister in law for updates. My mom is pretty reliable about that sort of thing - she knows when he is just being whiny and when he's really hurting - but my sister in law is...not. We're all hoping that he's sick less often, though - he gets every sore throat that comes down the pike, it seems.
We had a nice new year - spent the first part of Weds evening at a friend's house (or should it be "at friends' house"...no, that's not right...well, whatever). They're hilariously fun people and it's always good to see them. They had bbq and veggies and chips and salsa and dip. Mmm...all good things. They also have a hilariously funny dog who is constantly into everything. She's at the opposite end of the spectrum from our dog, who is happiest when curled up under his blankie, napping. Yesterday we spent most of the day relaxing and just hanging out. We took Mr. Dog on a walk around the block - windy but not too cold, which made for nice walking - and ate snacky food. Mmmm...
Tuesday I had my follow up with the endocrinologist. He put me on Met*formin 500 mg twice a day - to see if that will reset my "set point" for my blood sugars. They're bizarrely constant, no matter what time I take them. Almost always in the high 120's/low 130's. So we'll see...I can't find any information on whether I should be seeing a difference by now (3 days in) or whether I need to give it a couple more days for full effect.
Also, just to whine a bit more, I think I need to go see a PT for my left glute. It's hurt since the marathon and that was in May. It was feeling better but now, not so much. I'm usually aware of it - even if I'm just sitting on it - and it hurts when I go up and down stairs, walk through the house, etc. Oddly, I don't notice it when I am actually running. Hm. That's strange - I hadn't realized that before. Of course, I don't know whether I need a referral or if I can just go to the big clinic in town...I guess I should just suck it up and call them. Nothing like using the good health insurance I've been provided with for this post doc.
Okay, time to do something more productive.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
Aftermath
What a nice Christmas we had this year...broken up nicely by my parents' visit and then a quick trip to N's parents' house a few hours north of here. We were home Friday afternoon so N could play in a wedding on Saturday (rehearsal was Friday pm), which meant that we had a lovely, no-stress, calm weekend at home with the dog. It was so nice just to spend time together over a long weekend.
Of course, today it's back to work. I'm trying to finish up some projects related to my dissertation. Finding it hard going sometimes...working on book chapter revisions but getting bogged down in editing what others have written. Need to submit abstracts for two meetings that are due in early January. And then there's the rest of our lives...endo follow up for me tomorrow...whole-house humidifier getting installed Weds...infertility follow up 1/12...
My incisions aren't healing as well as I would like. I guess it's time to bust out the antibiotic ointment, to see if that helps at all. I've also gotten frustrated trying to figure out why what we are doing isn't working. I was actually kind of happy with the hydrosalpinx diagnosis, because that helped explain why I wasn't getting pregnant. But without that, we're back to a questionable semen analysis and (I suppose) unexplained infertility.
That's something I think I will ask more about at the next appointment. I want more information on the semen analysis - it was kind of an afterthought at the initial appointment. And I want to know what they saw when they did my surgery. I have had weird cramps after sex the last few days (woo hoo, the 2 week ban was lifted!) and not sure what those are all about. I guess I just feel like hey, did they miss something? Becuase some mildly questionable sperm don't seem like they would be causing this much trouble. And if we go with IUI's...well...should we do the medicated ones? Unmedicated? Argh...
Of course, today it's back to work. I'm trying to finish up some projects related to my dissertation. Finding it hard going sometimes...working on book chapter revisions but getting bogged down in editing what others have written. Need to submit abstracts for two meetings that are due in early January. And then there's the rest of our lives...endo follow up for me tomorrow...whole-house humidifier getting installed Weds...infertility follow up 1/12...
My incisions aren't healing as well as I would like. I guess it's time to bust out the antibiotic ointment, to see if that helps at all. I've also gotten frustrated trying to figure out why what we are doing isn't working. I was actually kind of happy with the hydrosalpinx diagnosis, because that helped explain why I wasn't getting pregnant. But without that, we're back to a questionable semen analysis and (I suppose) unexplained infertility.
That's something I think I will ask more about at the next appointment. I want more information on the semen analysis - it was kind of an afterthought at the initial appointment. And I want to know what they saw when they did my surgery. I have had weird cramps after sex the last few days (woo hoo, the 2 week ban was lifted!) and not sure what those are all about. I guess I just feel like hey, did they miss something? Becuase some mildly questionable sperm don't seem like they would be causing this much trouble. And if we go with IUI's...well...should we do the medicated ones? Unmedicated? Argh...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Coming 'round the mountain...
My parents just left after what I think was a very nice four-day visit. They came in for my graduation - for my PhD that I defended successfully in September. It was so nice to have them here! They are fairly...anxious...travelers, so the fact that we are having lovely winter weather here in flyover country was enough to send them into a tizzy. But they knew they would see us, and meet their grand-dog, and also meet our friends. So I am pretty sure they were excited to be here.
And we had a lovely visit. They arrived on Thursday afternoon, pretty much on-time, considering the weather and the fact that they had to fly through the dreaded ORD. I picked them up (N was working) and we headed to Target to pick up a few things for the party on Friday...paper plates/napkins and plasticware. We also picked up a timer for my mom's friend and a g.c. for N for iTunes...he loooves his iTunes. It was weird being with my father in Target - I'm usually in those places with my mom only - but they were very helpful.
We had a lovely dinner Thursday night and then they spent some time looking around the house - my dad videotaped a 'tour' of it to show back home - and playing with the dog. We never had a dog growing up - and I wasn't sure whether they would enjoy meeting their grand-dog. But they did, and my mother even kissed him (on the head, you know, where you kiss dogs) before they left. So, whew. It helps that the dog is well-behaved and awfully cute.
Friday, the weather was awful awful awful. We had ice Thursday night, mixed with rain and snow. Bleah. Bleah. Bleah. So N went out to snowblow and hack at the ice, and put down some ice melt. It was a mess. And because I was still post op, I couldn't help. Ergh. So my parents - who are 60 and 64 - went out to help. Talk about feeling useless. Completely useless. They got the driveway pretty well cleaned up, then we took N to work and went to run a few errands around town. N called while we were picking up the cake - his parents weren't going to make it, they'd had a foot (a FOOT) of snow. Bummer bummer bummer. So, back we went to the grocery store to get a few more things to stand in for what his mother was going to bring. Bummer. My parents finished clearing the driveway and I went to get N mid-afternoon. Fortunately his work has this thing where if you are salaried and show up for at least part of the day, you don't have to use leave if you leave early/come in late. Since he gets less vacation time than anyone I know, this is a good thing.
Friday night was our open house/hey my parents are in town/oh, look! Annabelle's graduating party. It was lovely. A few people couldn't make it because of the weather, and one person never showed up, never called, and never emailed. But everyone else seemed to have a good time. It was fun to have my parents meet friends of ours that they had never met before, and it was really fun to have people over at our house. A couple of friends stayed pretty late, chatting with us and my parents.
And then Saturday was graduation! N wasn't feeling so hot - he'd had a cold for a few days - but he powered through and was feeling better when we finally got to the ceremony. There was a reception beforehand, that the Grad College hosted. It was very nice - my adviser was there and had her ear talked off by my mother. I am so, so glad that I went through the graduation. There is something about having that hood placed over your head that just brings it all home. My adviser did the hooding - they said all of my names right - and it was just one of those moments where everything seems right.
We came home to save the dog from the torture of the crate and get ready for dinner. It snowed most of the day and was bitter, bitter cold, so going out to dinner didn't seem like such a fab idea. Of course we went -reservations and Italian food, hello - but holy God was it cold walking from the parking ramp to the restaurant. We had yummy Italian food, a little too much wine (well, mom and I did - N and my dad were fine) - and then came home to have champagne and leftover cake. Mmmm....
And then Sunday they left. Oh, what an ordeal. 40 mph winds, ground blizzards, delayed flights, nearly missed connections, etc. etc. etc. And of course their bags didn't make it. But they did! I'll have to hear about how we are two plane flights away for the rest of my natural life, but that seems a small price to pay for having them here for a few days.
Life has calmed down a bit now. We are back from N's parents' house, where we spent Christmas Eve and Day. It was very very quiet without our niece and nephew around to raise the noise level to earsplitting...I took several naps...and the Dog got spoiled rotten by his paternal grandparents.
I couldn't help but think how nice it would have been to have a baby this Christmas. New house, new dog...new baby would have rounded it out nicely. And I kept thinking how last Christmas, I was hoping to be able to tell our parents that we were expecting a baby. No dice. And not this Christmas either. And now that they know I had surgery, they also know that we have a follow up appointment in January. And I really don't want to have them asking me about what we're doing, or when I might get pregnant, or really any of the details of this whole ordeal. I just wish that I could surprise them when I do get pregnant. Maybe they'll forget about the follow up appointment...maybe I just won't say anything and they won't bother to ask...but what I really DON'T want is to be sharing details of our IUI's with our parents. Call me petty and small and controlling, but...I just don't want to. So we'll see how that shapes up.
Follow up with the endocrinologist next week. I'm interested to see what he wants to do. I've been munching (in a restrained way, of course) on cookies and crackers and cheese and mmm....Christmas snacks...but my sugars haven't really budged. So, we'll see.
Boy, what a rambling, pointless post.
And we had a lovely visit. They arrived on Thursday afternoon, pretty much on-time, considering the weather and the fact that they had to fly through the dreaded ORD. I picked them up (N was working) and we headed to Target to pick up a few things for the party on Friday...paper plates/napkins and plasticware. We also picked up a timer for my mom's friend and a g.c. for N for iTunes...he loooves his iTunes. It was weird being with my father in Target - I'm usually in those places with my mom only - but they were very helpful.
We had a lovely dinner Thursday night and then they spent some time looking around the house - my dad videotaped a 'tour' of it to show back home - and playing with the dog. We never had a dog growing up - and I wasn't sure whether they would enjoy meeting their grand-dog. But they did, and my mother even kissed him (on the head, you know, where you kiss dogs) before they left. So, whew. It helps that the dog is well-behaved and awfully cute.
Friday, the weather was awful awful awful. We had ice Thursday night, mixed with rain and snow. Bleah. Bleah. Bleah. So N went out to snowblow and hack at the ice, and put down some ice melt. It was a mess. And because I was still post op, I couldn't help. Ergh. So my parents - who are 60 and 64 - went out to help. Talk about feeling useless. Completely useless. They got the driveway pretty well cleaned up, then we took N to work and went to run a few errands around town. N called while we were picking up the cake - his parents weren't going to make it, they'd had a foot (a FOOT) of snow. Bummer bummer bummer. So, back we went to the grocery store to get a few more things to stand in for what his mother was going to bring. Bummer. My parents finished clearing the driveway and I went to get N mid-afternoon. Fortunately his work has this thing where if you are salaried and show up for at least part of the day, you don't have to use leave if you leave early/come in late. Since he gets less vacation time than anyone I know, this is a good thing.
Friday night was our open house/hey my parents are in town/oh, look! Annabelle's graduating party. It was lovely. A few people couldn't make it because of the weather, and one person never showed up, never called, and never emailed. But everyone else seemed to have a good time. It was fun to have my parents meet friends of ours that they had never met before, and it was really fun to have people over at our house. A couple of friends stayed pretty late, chatting with us and my parents.
And then Saturday was graduation! N wasn't feeling so hot - he'd had a cold for a few days - but he powered through and was feeling better when we finally got to the ceremony. There was a reception beforehand, that the Grad College hosted. It was very nice - my adviser was there and had her ear talked off by my mother. I am so, so glad that I went through the graduation. There is something about having that hood placed over your head that just brings it all home. My adviser did the hooding - they said all of my names right - and it was just one of those moments where everything seems right.
We came home to save the dog from the torture of the crate and get ready for dinner. It snowed most of the day and was bitter, bitter cold, so going out to dinner didn't seem like such a fab idea. Of course we went -reservations and Italian food, hello - but holy God was it cold walking from the parking ramp to the restaurant. We had yummy Italian food, a little too much wine (well, mom and I did - N and my dad were fine) - and then came home to have champagne and leftover cake. Mmmm....
And then Sunday they left. Oh, what an ordeal. 40 mph winds, ground blizzards, delayed flights, nearly missed connections, etc. etc. etc. And of course their bags didn't make it. But they did! I'll have to hear about how we are two plane flights away for the rest of my natural life, but that seems a small price to pay for having them here for a few days.
Life has calmed down a bit now. We are back from N's parents' house, where we spent Christmas Eve and Day. It was very very quiet without our niece and nephew around to raise the noise level to earsplitting...I took several naps...and the Dog got spoiled rotten by his paternal grandparents.
I couldn't help but think how nice it would have been to have a baby this Christmas. New house, new dog...new baby would have rounded it out nicely. And I kept thinking how last Christmas, I was hoping to be able to tell our parents that we were expecting a baby. No dice. And not this Christmas either. And now that they know I had surgery, they also know that we have a follow up appointment in January. And I really don't want to have them asking me about what we're doing, or when I might get pregnant, or really any of the details of this whole ordeal. I just wish that I could surprise them when I do get pregnant. Maybe they'll forget about the follow up appointment...maybe I just won't say anything and they won't bother to ask...but what I really DON'T want is to be sharing details of our IUI's with our parents. Call me petty and small and controlling, but...I just don't want to. So we'll see how that shapes up.
Follow up with the endocrinologist next week. I'm interested to see what he wants to do. I've been munching (in a restrained way, of course) on cookies and crackers and cheese and mmm....Christmas snacks...but my sugars haven't really budged. So, we'll see.
Boy, what a rambling, pointless post.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Bleah
I just want to say that I really, really hate feeling bleah. And I know this surgery was not a major event - really, it wasn't. But I intensely dislike the feeling of...not feeling 100%. Twinges in my tummy, dizziness, general fatigue...I have a feeling I would be a not-very-good sick person.
I also think I overdid it on Saturday when I was being more indulgent with the pain medication. Now that I'm not taking as much, I'm definitely feeling it more. But we have visitors coming this weekend, and a party on Friday night to get ready for, and I don't want to overload my husband, and... Yeah. I'll probably still have to lie down for a bit this afternoon. *sigh* Here's hoping I feel better soon. Even though I know this could be a whole lot worse.
I also think I overdid it on Saturday when I was being more indulgent with the pain medication. Now that I'm not taking as much, I'm definitely feeling it more. But we have visitors coming this weekend, and a party on Friday night to get ready for, and I don't want to overload my husband, and... Yeah. I'll probably still have to lie down for a bit this afternoon. *sigh* Here's hoping I feel better soon. Even though I know this could be a whole lot worse.
Anticlimactic
So, had my surgery on Friday, and after all that, they found....nothing. Yep, nothing. Didn't have to remove a tube (or both tubes), didn't have to clean anything out. Because there was nothing there. And I was right at the start of my cycle, so they would have seen something if it had been there. Weird, very weird. They flushed out my tubes - told me they're a bit dilated but at the upper end of normal - and said that we can go ahead with IUI's instead of IVF.
I have to say, while I'm happy to have all of my parts, I'm still a bit baffled. If everything looks okay, is it really just the male factor stuff that's keeping us from getting pregnant? Are the IUI's going to work? We have a follow up appointment on 1/12, so we'll get to find out then. I am hoping they do medicated IUI's to up our chances of conceiving. They weren't going to before, but I would really prefer that. So we'll see what they say when we meet with them. Of course, 1 month = probably day 3 or so of my cycle. So I suspect that we'll have to do an unmedicated cycle for our first IUI and then add Clomid if they think that would be helpful.
I'm still having some pain and not feeling quite like myself - not sure exactly what it is. I have these weird periods where I feel completely awful - happened yesterday am and today, too. I wonder if it's the pain medicine? Percocet will do that to you, I suspect...So I'm going to try to take only the ibuprofen, and maybe the percocet for one more night.
More later, especially the details of Friday, but for now, a few more things that make me go hm...
I have to say, while I'm happy to have all of my parts, I'm still a bit baffled. If everything looks okay, is it really just the male factor stuff that's keeping us from getting pregnant? Are the IUI's going to work? We have a follow up appointment on 1/12, so we'll get to find out then. I am hoping they do medicated IUI's to up our chances of conceiving. They weren't going to before, but I would really prefer that. So we'll see what they say when we meet with them. Of course, 1 month = probably day 3 or so of my cycle. So I suspect that we'll have to do an unmedicated cycle for our first IUI and then add Clomid if they think that would be helpful.
I'm still having some pain and not feeling quite like myself - not sure exactly what it is. I have these weird periods where I feel completely awful - happened yesterday am and today, too. I wonder if it's the pain medicine? Percocet will do that to you, I suspect...So I'm going to try to take only the ibuprofen, and maybe the percocet for one more night.
More later, especially the details of Friday, but for now, a few more things that make me go hm...
- The v8 "weekly pack", which has 6 small cans of v8. Um. 6? That would be an almost-weekly pack, since there are, you know, 7 days in a week. At least, there were the last time I checked.
- Ads for special shows (home shows, furniture shows) that don't give the location of said show. N noticed this on Saturday, too - it was the local home show, advertising in the paper. No location. I think there was a date, though. Um, thanks for that.
- People who are published on widely read websites with egregious spelling and grammar errors. I know that blogs are generally "looser" than standard articles, but some copyediting would be okay. Right?
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Things that make me go hm...
I should be cleaning the bathrooms, but it's icy here in flyover country and N is home from work (he couldn't even get out to the main road, so he's staying home). And so, a random list of things that have made me go "hm" recently...
- Stinky people at the gym...as in, people who let out toots in a room full of exercisers. I mean, I know, sometimes one slips out...but seriously? every day?
- Barefoot dude, also at the gym. It was +12 here the other morning, and he exited the gym in front of me. Shorts, t-shirt, bare feet. Walked to his car that way. Um, good for you?
- The grocery store on a Monday morning. No bags, no pepperoni, no soy cheese? I know Sundays are really busy, but maybe they could bring in extra staff on Sunday night to restock?? Instead, there they are restocking on Monday morning. Weird.
- The girl who was biting off her split ends on the bus last week. 'nuff said.
- My sleep patterns...last week I was exhausted, this week I am having trouble sleeping. Argh. I just want to sleep on a regular schedule and feel rested. That's all.
- Solved the case of the missing undies! They were apparently left in the washer, and showed up with this morning's sheet load. Thank goodness I'd washed them before - red undies + ivory sheets could = disaster.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Onward
I should really write about things other than our journey through infertility, although it is what is taking up most of the space in my brain these days. Really, I do other things! I interact with people! But I want to get this all out so I don't forget it...hopefully when we do have a baby of our own, I will be able to look back at all of this and remember what it took to get us there.
So, telling my parents was really hard. They didn't even know we had been trying, because honestly I think that is our business, not theirs. A few friends knew we were trying, which helped - I could talk about it with them - but I didn't want my parents all worked up when things weren't going right. So when they called the other week to chat - they do this about once a week, and they both get on the phone, which is both endearing and slightly irritating - I waited until a lull in the conversation and then jumped in with "So, I am going to have surgery on December 12th". Um, probably not the best way to bring it up, now that I think about it!
They, of course, had a ton of questions. Why, and for what, and why, and why, and why...I told them that we had been trying to get pregnant for over a year, and it wasn't working, so they want to make sure there isn't anything structural going on. I didn't tell them the specifics of the hydrosalpinx - that will just make them worry more. I did tell them that it will be an outpatient surgery, unless they have to open me up for some reason, and that I should be fine by the time they get here the next week for graduation. Mom wanted to know who was doing the surgery - had I met him? Was he good? I had to remind her that this is a huge academic medical center, and you get the surgeon of the day. I'm sure he's good, I just can't vet him myself. There was lots of sighing on their end, but in the end I answered all (or most) of their questions.
Telling N's parents was a bit anticlimactic - I wound up only telling his mother, since his father was in the basement (as per usual, it's a little strange there sometimes). And she didn't ask any questions at all, just offered to bring food to graduation and the party we are having the night before. So that was fine.
This is really stupid, but I keep thinking that I brought this on myself. I started reading infertility-related blogs last summer (as in, about when we started trying) when someone linked to Julia's blog in their own blog. And from there, I read blogs on her blogroll, and blogs on those people's blogrolls, and pretty soon I was reading all about the world of infertility. So, it's dumb, but I do wonder whether I brought this on myself.
I also worry about what they are going to find when they go in there...I mean, the endometriosis option is the only reasonable option. But...but...but...What if? What if it's cancer? Or a previously undetected infection? Or...I know I can't do anything about this now, and they are going to look in there, which is the best possible option, but...it still worries me.
So, telling my parents was really hard. They didn't even know we had been trying, because honestly I think that is our business, not theirs. A few friends knew we were trying, which helped - I could talk about it with them - but I didn't want my parents all worked up when things weren't going right. So when they called the other week to chat - they do this about once a week, and they both get on the phone, which is both endearing and slightly irritating - I waited until a lull in the conversation and then jumped in with "So, I am going to have surgery on December 12th". Um, probably not the best way to bring it up, now that I think about it!
They, of course, had a ton of questions. Why, and for what, and why, and why, and why...I told them that we had been trying to get pregnant for over a year, and it wasn't working, so they want to make sure there isn't anything structural going on. I didn't tell them the specifics of the hydrosalpinx - that will just make them worry more. I did tell them that it will be an outpatient surgery, unless they have to open me up for some reason, and that I should be fine by the time they get here the next week for graduation. Mom wanted to know who was doing the surgery - had I met him? Was he good? I had to remind her that this is a huge academic medical center, and you get the surgeon of the day. I'm sure he's good, I just can't vet him myself. There was lots of sighing on their end, but in the end I answered all (or most) of their questions.
Telling N's parents was a bit anticlimactic - I wound up only telling his mother, since his father was in the basement (as per usual, it's a little strange there sometimes). And she didn't ask any questions at all, just offered to bring food to graduation and the party we are having the night before. So that was fine.
This is really stupid, but I keep thinking that I brought this on myself. I started reading infertility-related blogs last summer (as in, about when we started trying) when someone linked to Julia's blog in their own blog. And from there, I read blogs on her blogroll, and blogs on those people's blogrolls, and pretty soon I was reading all about the world of infertility. So, it's dumb, but I do wonder whether I brought this on myself.
I also worry about what they are going to find when they go in there...I mean, the endometriosis option is the only reasonable option. But...but...but...What if? What if it's cancer? Or a previously undetected infection? Or...I know I can't do anything about this now, and they are going to look in there, which is the best possible option, but...it still worries me.
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