Onward

I should really write about things other than our journey through infertility, although it is what is taking up most of the space in my brain these days. Really, I do other things! I interact with people! But I want to get this all out so I don't forget it...hopefully when we do have a baby of our own, I will be able to look back at all of this and remember what it took to get us there.

So, telling my parents was really hard. They didn't even know we had been trying, because honestly I think that is our business, not theirs. A few friends knew we were trying, which helped - I could talk about it with them - but I didn't want my parents all worked up when things weren't going right. So when they called the other week to chat - they do this about once a week, and they both get on the phone, which is both endearing and slightly irritating - I waited until a lull in the conversation and then jumped in with "So, I am going to have surgery on December 12th". Um, probably not the best way to bring it up, now that I think about it!

They, of course, had a ton of questions. Why, and for what, and why, and why, and why...I told them that we had been trying to get pregnant for over a year, and it wasn't working, so they want to make sure there isn't anything structural going on. I didn't tell them the specifics of the hydrosalpinx - that will just make them worry more. I did tell them that it will be an outpatient surgery, unless they have to open me up for some reason, and that I should be fine by the time they get here the next week for graduation. Mom wanted to know who was doing the surgery - had I met him? Was he good? I had to remind her that this is a huge academic medical center, and you get the surgeon of the day. I'm sure he's good, I just can't vet him myself. There was lots of sighing on their end, but in the end I answered all (or most) of their questions.

Telling N's parents was a bit anticlimactic - I wound up only telling his mother, since his father was in the basement (as per usual, it's a little strange there sometimes). And she didn't ask any questions at all, just offered to bring food to graduation and the party we are having the night before. So that was fine.

This is really stupid, but I keep thinking that I brought this on myself. I started reading infertility-related blogs last summer (as in, about when we started trying) when someone linked to Julia's blog in their own blog. And from there, I read blogs on her blogroll, and blogs on those people's blogrolls, and pretty soon I was reading all about the world of infertility. So, it's dumb, but I do wonder whether I brought this on myself.

I also worry about what they are going to find when they go in there...I mean, the endometriosis option is the only reasonable option. But...but...but...What if? What if it's cancer? Or a previously undetected infection? Or...I know I can't do anything about this now, and they are going to look in there, which is the best possible option, but...it still worries me.